Zombie Bites

The Evil Dead

21st July

They’re going to get you. But you don’t know why and they don’t have the decency to explain so I guess you better just try and escape, but don’t run out madly into the woods like that… wait! Oh. Nuts.

• Zombie Speed: Fast? Slow? It’s hard to pay attention long enough to be sure.
• Zombie Catalyst: DON’T PLAY THE TAPE OF SOME GUY READING THAT BOOK BRUCE!
• Zombie Contagion: Bad luck? Apparently.
• Zombie IQ: Smart but a bit fucked up. Like Stephen Fry. Let’s say.
• Protagonists: Just Bruce.
• Apocalypse Vibe: Nada.

Bruce Campbell spends ninety minutes in a mad—often desperate—struggle to escape from everyday household furniture. The relentless, knuckle-biting scenes of Bruce untangling himself from tables are every so often punctuated by visits from the undead, who turn up and float around for a bit. “You will surely diieeeeee!!!1!11twelve” they wail. Bruce then promptly gets trapped under a bookcase.

Verdict: Furniture: can lead to loss of brains